There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an expected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore. – Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls
Here I am sitting on my couch drinking a coffee while I try to process everything the doctors told me during my two weeks of treatment. I’m back to the reality of my life where all I see is nothing. I’m numb and I have to pinch myself to be sure I’m awake. My friend told me how life changes after this treatment but I’m still the same old me. I guess I just need some time to grasp the reality of life again. Apparently I need some time longer to realize some things. Couple of days in the clinic they told me how they felt I wasn’t there yet, that probably would take me couple of days to “arrive” in the treatment. They were absolutely right. I’m not sure I’ve been dissociating, avoiding thinking about the treatment or was just because I had just taken the exam couple of days prior so I still had it on my mind. In any way I wasn’t fully present in the beginning and it took me some time to realize I was really there. It took me even longer to immerse in the treatment.